I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
