I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My pussy is not your playground.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
