Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
birth control should be required to get into college
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize