i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
