adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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