he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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