it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this just has baby written all over it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
