U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
