don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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