Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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