i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
