my phone needs a breathalizer
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
