so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
