we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dignity is for republicans.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
