i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
