we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
