sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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