Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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