Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
