My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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