i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In America we eat man semen.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
