been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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