and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
