yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
