After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
