we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am mentally ready for anal.
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