i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
