pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
