weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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