covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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