the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
