dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize