Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
