Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
