guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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