i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
