420 ftw
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That was before I lit my hair on fire
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
