If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
