I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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