hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
