it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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