i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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