like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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