if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
