A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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