When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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