Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
