she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
