I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
