I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
