five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
