first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
