I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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