my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
