Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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