She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
