I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
