That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
