I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
