I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
