Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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