I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
