I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
