It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
