let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
