She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
