I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This toilet bowl is my home.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
