I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
