Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
