guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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