I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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