Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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