made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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