batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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