3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
