She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
